Dear Mum

Wort für Wort nimmt die Geschichte von "Dear" Form an...und irgendwie macht mich das traurig...Als ich "dear my love" geschrieben hab, wusste ich nicht, was für ein Ausmaß es haben würde, allein vom Inhalt und vom Leiden des Protagonisten her...Aber bei "Dear Mum" hat es sich einfach so ergeben...Wie schon so oft, ist nicht der Autor Herr der Worte, sondern die Worte Herren des Autors, denn er ist ihr Sklave, dazu verdammt sie niederzuschreiben und sie so zu befreien, damit sie ihren Weg gehen, Geschichten Formen und andere in ihren Bann ziehen...okay, ich schweife ab ^^

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Dear Mum,

I’m sorry…I’m really sorry. I’m not the child you deserve. I can’t fill your expectations.
I must say good bye earlier than I want.
Mum…I’m sorry…
I wanted to say so much to you. You are my mum. I love you. I felt your affection every hour the day, and although it often did’t look so I am the happiest child. I have never wished to have another mother than you. You were there for me, when I needed you. You talked to me, when I felt lonely. You hugged me, when I was sad. You dried my tears, when I cried. You were loud, when I was bad. You corrected me, when I was wrong. You cleaned my wounds, when I felt and gave me a little kiss.
You are the best mother I could ever dreamt of.
I’m sorry that I did’t tell you this earlier, but I thought I would have still had so much time for this in my future, but now I know that there’s never time for this. Well, it’s a little bit too late for this insight. But better to late than never.
Mum, I often thought, that I will grow up sometime and leave the house, will be big and have my own family. It’s hurt to know that it’ll never happen. I had so many plans, so many ideas. I wanted to become a famous doctor, helping ill people to fight against their disease. Ironic that I’m now the patient with no hope for recovery.
And before my time is over I want you to promise me something.
Please Mum, promise me you will not cry for too long. Please Mum, promise me to not give up, to go along and walk straight forward, no matte how hard it is.
Please Mum. Be strong.
Mum, do you remember our talk a few years ago. We wanted to visit this old, spooky castle in the forest of granddad’s village. We wanted to proof that there are no ghosts. We wanted to proof the whole world, that we are strong. Do you remember? We wanted to have a picknick there and that we would laugh about all those people who never dared to placed a foot in this castle. But we never did so, Mum. Can you go there, Mum? Please. You have to go, for me. I’ve never forget that talk. I often dreamt of going there with you, but everytime in this dreams we got frightened and ran away. Please Mum, promise that you’ll promise for us, you and me, that we are strong and bravery enough to go in there.
You have to promise me. You’ll go straight in this castle, and I will walk with my head rised up into my fate. My fate that I’ll die. Don’t shake your head, Mum. You know, and I know, that there is no other way. Everybody knows that there is no help for me. I realized and accepted it. Go into this castle and accept it too.
Dry your tears like you’ve done so many times by me.

I love you, Mum, I really love you
I hope you will never forget that you are the most wonderful mother in this whole world. Because you are strong, because you are you.
I love you, Mum